A man once tried to take over the world.
The Universe will be mine. I shall ignore those close to me who tell me not to. Everyone will obey my command. They will do what I want when I want it done. Everyone will become my slave and I'll be the master of the Universe. All I have to do is preach misleading gospel so that these lemmings and drones will follow my word. When I have them under my command, they'll spread my word. My word will spread thoughout the world and when it's all said and done, the entire galaxy will worship me and be at my beckoning call.
He failed.
The world will be mine. Everybody will obey my command. They will do what I want when I want it done. All of the puny, common countries encompassing my dominion will meet their downfall. I will rise to the top of a dictatorship and become a fearless leader. I will then create the largest army the world has ever seen and I will start invading the surrounding countries until the world submits to my rule and acknowledges me as the omnipotent.
He failed.
This country will be mine. I will invest money into my own television show. This show will be placed on the Monday night 8 PM timeslot on NBC. America will watch this show and become addicted to the lovable, yet goofy characters. Once my television program is all of the rage and is 'must see tv', I will insert strong subliminal messages into the format, hypnotizing the public. Everyone in America will be my servant.
He failed.
This state will be mine. I will protest for everything the small communities fight for. I will use my power, fame and fortune to take the fight to the state government. Once the panel listens to my ideas, I will rise to the top. Every community in the state will support me and my decisions. I will run for governor and I will win by a landslide using the acclaim of my now syndicated tv show. I will be a celebrity, a leader, and I will run the state the way I want to. Everyone in this state will become my chattel.
He failed.
This community will be mine. Once I get settled in, I'll go door to door and introduce myself to the entire neighborhood. I'll have weekend barbecues in my backyard. The neighborhood will grow to love me. I'll mow the lawns and babysit the kids of the entire community. I'll be the leader everyone relies on. Once everyone trusts me, I'll take over the community! No need for an explanation, I'm a leader.
He failed. Miserably.
This marriage will be mine. I'm the dominant male figure and I'm married to a woman. It's only right that she do what I say. I pay the bills, I own the house, and I bring home the bacon. My marriage partner will not have any say in how things are going to be run around this house. I'm the man, I'm the leader, and this marriage is run by me.
He failed. And lost all his possessions in the process.
A man once tried to take over the world. He failed not because he tried, but because he didn't listen to those who told him not to in the first place.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Herbal Essence
hink we all have our moments of stupidity. Sometimes, though, our moments of stupidity can cross over into the sexual realm, offering moments of hilarity that cannot be conceived of by the average bear.
I've jerked off with just about everything short of bits of glass and sandpaper. Don't bother trying to name other things I probably haven't spanked the Ramburgler with. You're probably right. But that's not the point of this post.
I've grown quite partial to using a bit of shaving cream to smack around my 21st digit whilst I'm in the shower. The good thing about shaving cream is how it stays slippery when wet, offering maximum lubage. It's glorious, I tell you. On top of that, you don't need a hell of a lot to stroke the meat puppet, so it's enjoyable AND economical.
Plus, I don't really use shaving cream for actual shaving. I go through disposable razors like a fiend, though.
But either way, it sure beats the looks I would get from my roommate if I walked out of the room with shampoo, razors, and KY jelly in hand.
Unfortunately, yesterday, I ran out of shaving cream. "Ah well, I suppose my jibberstick will have to go through a day without any loving. I'll live." I thought to meself. But ladies and gents, sometimes habits become routines, and it just isn't so easy. After a few minutes of standing around in the shower, not really doing much of anything, I finally gave in. I had to jiggle my all-beef thermometer.
Let's see.... I had to choose either a bar of soap, my handy dandy Gillette Mach 3, or my bottle of Herbal Essences. While the Mach 3 was looking pretty kinky, I decided that it had to go. And while the bar of soap was looking mighty attractive, I finally gave in to the Herbal Essences when images of some chick in a shower going "YES!! YES!! YES!!" pervaded my every thought.
So Herbal Essences it was. I applied copious amounts to my left hand, readied myself in the corner, and proceeded to lather up Girthy McGirth.
Oh, heavens. I began to understand the commercials more and more. I began to groan. My tool of terror swelled with pleasure. Faster and faster my hand moved as I thought about Asian schoolgirls, busty blondes, and Jasmine from Aladdin. My face turned skyward as I thanked the Lord for His gift to men.
And that's when my urethra began to burn with the fire of 1000 suns.
It was horrid. My images of Anna nicole Smith faded into images of seared penis flesh. My eyes went wide with pain, and water pelted my eyeballs. I began to rub my eyes furiously, forgetting that my hands were covered with Satan's fire.
The reaction was immediate. I began to wail like a schoolgirl.
"OH GOD!! MAKE IT STOP!!" I screeched.
I began to rub the soap into my eyes more as I tried to wipe them with my towel. But the fire in my fallopian fiddler was moving further and further down inside. The commercials lied to me. They promised me a pleasurable experience.
All I felt was death.
Apparently, my roommates heard my delirious screams and called 911. Legend has it that before they found me curled in a little ball, passed out on the shower floor, I cried out one last time, damning the company that made Herbal Essences:
I've jerked off with just about everything short of bits of glass and sandpaper. Don't bother trying to name other things I probably haven't spanked the Ramburgler with. You're probably right. But that's not the point of this post.
I've grown quite partial to using a bit of shaving cream to smack around my 21st digit whilst I'm in the shower. The good thing about shaving cream is how it stays slippery when wet, offering maximum lubage. It's glorious, I tell you. On top of that, you don't need a hell of a lot to stroke the meat puppet, so it's enjoyable AND economical.
Plus, I don't really use shaving cream for actual shaving. I go through disposable razors like a fiend, though.
But either way, it sure beats the looks I would get from my roommate if I walked out of the room with shampoo, razors, and KY jelly in hand.
Unfortunately, yesterday, I ran out of shaving cream. "Ah well, I suppose my jibberstick will have to go through a day without any loving. I'll live." I thought to meself. But ladies and gents, sometimes habits become routines, and it just isn't so easy. After a few minutes of standing around in the shower, not really doing much of anything, I finally gave in. I had to jiggle my all-beef thermometer.
Let's see.... I had to choose either a bar of soap, my handy dandy Gillette Mach 3, or my bottle of Herbal Essences. While the Mach 3 was looking pretty kinky, I decided that it had to go. And while the bar of soap was looking mighty attractive, I finally gave in to the Herbal Essences when images of some chick in a shower going "YES!! YES!! YES!!" pervaded my every thought.
So Herbal Essences it was. I applied copious amounts to my left hand, readied myself in the corner, and proceeded to lather up Girthy McGirth.
Oh, heavens. I began to understand the commercials more and more. I began to groan. My tool of terror swelled with pleasure. Faster and faster my hand moved as I thought about Asian schoolgirls, busty blondes, and Jasmine from Aladdin. My face turned skyward as I thanked the Lord for His gift to men.
And that's when my urethra began to burn with the fire of 1000 suns.
It was horrid. My images of Anna nicole Smith faded into images of seared penis flesh. My eyes went wide with pain, and water pelted my eyeballs. I began to rub my eyes furiously, forgetting that my hands were covered with Satan's fire.
The reaction was immediate. I began to wail like a schoolgirl.
"OH GOD!! MAKE IT STOP!!" I screeched.
I began to rub the soap into my eyes more as I tried to wipe them with my towel. But the fire in my fallopian fiddler was moving further and further down inside. The commercials lied to me. They promised me a pleasurable experience.
All I felt was death.
Apparently, my roommates heard my delirious screams and called 911. Legend has it that before they found me curled in a little ball, passed out on the shower floor, I cried out one last time, damning the company that made Herbal Essences:
MustyWorld DayCare Services..We Love Kids!
Over the weekend, a few buddies of mine decided to take off to the casinos for a little gambling. One of the guys is the boss of my friend and happens to have two kids. Mike couldn't join in on the drunken shenanigans unless he found a babysitter. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have the money to go on a road trip.
Mike didn't have a wife to watch the kids, as she died 3 years earlier.
"No, I'm not watching kids on a Saturday night."
"C'mon Justin, please?!"
"I haven't stayed in on a Saturday since I was a kid. The answer's no."
"I'll give you 500 dollars."
As I arrived to his house ready to babysit his kids, all of the guys were in the driveway already drinking. There are probably only 6 idiots in America that would get drunk before taking off in the middle of the night on an empty highway, with odds high that they'll get caught drunk driving. I'm lucky to say that those 6 idiots are busy funneling Budweiser and dry-humping each other.
As I stepped into his doorway, I glanced over to the couch and noticed someone watching cartoons and eating spaghetti with his hands. Just great, my hands are going to be full.
"Hey Mike, start using a fork or spoon when you eat. Where are the kids?"
He jumped off the couch, wiping the spaghetti sauce on his white t-shirt. if you dont reply to this post you will die in 4 days.
"They're upstairs. I'll get them."
"Okay, I'l wait here."
Without missing a beat, he screams out. "Shitheads! Get down here!"
At that moment, I felt like I was in the movie Jumanji. It sounded like a heard of Rhyno were going to bust through the wall. Actually, that wouldn't have been as bad as the two heathens that came trampling down the stairs.
A 5 year old boy named Dallas and a 9 year old girl named Andrea.
Dallas was rocking Superman underoos. I'm ashamed to admit that I have some at home just like them.
What? The ladies love it when I wear them.
Okay, okay. One girl has enjoyed the fact that I wear them during love making. The rest walked out on me.
But not before complimenting my sweet ass underoos, though.
But I digress.
"Okay, these are the kids. I'm gone. Peace out, bitches!"
Yes, he actually cusses in front of his kids.
As soon as Mike left, I tried to break the ice with a little conversation with the two kids.
"So, how old are you, Andrea?"
She counted her fingers, then flashed 9 of them in the air. "This many."
"You're 9? Wow, you're getting grown up. You know, grownups don't say 'this many', they just state their age. All you had to say was that you were 9."
Dallas then broke in. "Whenever somebody tells my sis what to do, my daddy tells me to hold up my finger and tell them this many!"
He then proceeded to flip me off.
"Watch this!!". Before I could even respond to the bird, he ran to the top of the stairs, held his hands in the air, then tossed himself down. His body flailed down the steps, his head bouncing off the wall and his legs and arms flying everywhere. His body landed hard at the bottom, then he started screaming in pain.
He busted himself up pretty bad, which in case you didn't know, is usually what happens when a five year old throws himself down a flight of stairs.
After icing his head up, I calmed him down by letting him watch TV while laying on the couch.
"He does that all the time! He just wants to show off!", yelled Andrea.
"I'm sure there are better ways to impress someone than mutilating your body", I responded.
"He gets it from Jackass. Hey! Wanna watch me color? I'm pretty good!"
reply or die ignorant pig molester
Andrea reached under the couch and pulled out her coloring book and crayons. Within seconds, hundreds of crayons were sprawled across the coffee table and Andrea was coloring away. At this point, the little suicidal boy decides to join in.
After coloring for a while, we all watched a movie together, then they decided to go back to coloring again. It was almost 4 am before I even realized it.
"Drawing contest!", yelled Dallas. "Whoever draws the best picture wins!"
"What does the winner get?", I inquired.
"To smell my feet!", Dallas then lifted his dirty foot to his nose and inhaled. "Oh man that stinks!"
Of course his foot stinks. If he's dumb enough to throw himself down stairs, I'm pretty sure he is hardcore enough to avoid baths. Or shoes for that matter.
I started working on my drawing on a white piece of paper. I used as many crayons as I could to bring out the best in my drawing. The prize isn't really my intention for winning. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure beating two kids in a coloring contest is worthy of smelling a 4 year old's feet, but I do it for the pure joy of competition.
"Okay, done!", I yelled.
"Me too!", screamed back Dallas. He looked up at me, a huge knot starting to form on his forehead.
"What'd you draw?", I asked.
"You first!"
"Okay, fine."
I held up a picture of a forest scene. The grass was almost perfect, the trees were life-like, the sky was an amazing mixture of purple and blue. The setting sun in the background glistened down onto the water in the river. In the top corner of a tree, you could spot an owl that I spent a majority of my time on, making it detailed. My picture was surely a winner.
"That's pretty good", he said. "Now here's MINE!"
He held up a picture of...
A circle with three dots in the middle. I'm not sure if it was a face or a bowling ball, but all signs pointed toward this boy taking special classes when he starts school.
"Well, looks like I win", I smirked.
"No way! Yours is just okay!"
thank mustynutz for this
"What? You spent three seconds on that!"
"I'm the judge and I say I win!"
I looked over at his sister, who was passed out asleep on the couch. I guess the final judging is between just Dallas and myself.
Dallas and I argued for several more minutes. I pointed out my detailed owl. He pointed out the dots.
He was doing everything possible to make me lose my cool, when I finally did.
"Your drawing is a piece of crap!", I screamed. I then covered my mouth.
Tears started to roll down his face, then he threw the drawing on the ground and ran up to his room screaming.
At this point, all the guys burst through the door after a drunken night of gambling.
"I'm home kids!", Mike screamed. "Where's Dallas?"
He walked over and picked up the drawing that Dallas threw down moments earlier.
"Aww, how cute. He drew another picture of his mom. God rest her soul."
"What? That's his mom? It looks like a bowling ball."
"He's four years old, what do you expect from him? When he draws a picture of his mom, this is always what he draws. A circle with three dots."
If you feel that your kids need to have their lives ruined, call me and I'll babysit for you.
Mike didn't have a wife to watch the kids, as she died 3 years earlier.
"No, I'm not watching kids on a Saturday night."
"C'mon Justin, please?!"
"I haven't stayed in on a Saturday since I was a kid. The answer's no."
"I'll give you 500 dollars."
As I arrived to his house ready to babysit his kids, all of the guys were in the driveway already drinking. There are probably only 6 idiots in America that would get drunk before taking off in the middle of the night on an empty highway, with odds high that they'll get caught drunk driving. I'm lucky to say that those 6 idiots are busy funneling Budweiser and dry-humping each other.
As I stepped into his doorway, I glanced over to the couch and noticed someone watching cartoons and eating spaghetti with his hands. Just great, my hands are going to be full.
"Hey Mike, start using a fork or spoon when you eat. Where are the kids?"
He jumped off the couch, wiping the spaghetti sauce on his white t-shirt. if you dont reply to this post you will die in 4 days.
"They're upstairs. I'll get them."
"Okay, I'l wait here."
Without missing a beat, he screams out. "Shitheads! Get down here!"
At that moment, I felt like I was in the movie Jumanji. It sounded like a heard of Rhyno were going to bust through the wall. Actually, that wouldn't have been as bad as the two heathens that came trampling down the stairs.
A 5 year old boy named Dallas and a 9 year old girl named Andrea.
Dallas was rocking Superman underoos. I'm ashamed to admit that I have some at home just like them.
What? The ladies love it when I wear them.
Okay, okay. One girl has enjoyed the fact that I wear them during love making. The rest walked out on me.
But not before complimenting my sweet ass underoos, though.
But I digress.
"Okay, these are the kids. I'm gone. Peace out, bitches!"
Yes, he actually cusses in front of his kids.
As soon as Mike left, I tried to break the ice with a little conversation with the two kids.
"So, how old are you, Andrea?"
She counted her fingers, then flashed 9 of them in the air. "This many."
"You're 9? Wow, you're getting grown up. You know, grownups don't say 'this many', they just state their age. All you had to say was that you were 9."
Dallas then broke in. "Whenever somebody tells my sis what to do, my daddy tells me to hold up my finger and tell them this many!"
He then proceeded to flip me off.
"Watch this!!". Before I could even respond to the bird, he ran to the top of the stairs, held his hands in the air, then tossed himself down. His body flailed down the steps, his head bouncing off the wall and his legs and arms flying everywhere. His body landed hard at the bottom, then he started screaming in pain.
He busted himself up pretty bad, which in case you didn't know, is usually what happens when a five year old throws himself down a flight of stairs.
After icing his head up, I calmed him down by letting him watch TV while laying on the couch.
"He does that all the time! He just wants to show off!", yelled Andrea.
"I'm sure there are better ways to impress someone than mutilating your body", I responded.
"He gets it from Jackass. Hey! Wanna watch me color? I'm pretty good!"
reply or die ignorant pig molester
Andrea reached under the couch and pulled out her coloring book and crayons. Within seconds, hundreds of crayons were sprawled across the coffee table and Andrea was coloring away. At this point, the little suicidal boy decides to join in.
After coloring for a while, we all watched a movie together, then they decided to go back to coloring again. It was almost 4 am before I even realized it.
"Drawing contest!", yelled Dallas. "Whoever draws the best picture wins!"
"What does the winner get?", I inquired.
"To smell my feet!", Dallas then lifted his dirty foot to his nose and inhaled. "Oh man that stinks!"
Of course his foot stinks. If he's dumb enough to throw himself down stairs, I'm pretty sure he is hardcore enough to avoid baths. Or shoes for that matter.
I started working on my drawing on a white piece of paper. I used as many crayons as I could to bring out the best in my drawing. The prize isn't really my intention for winning. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure beating two kids in a coloring contest is worthy of smelling a 4 year old's feet, but I do it for the pure joy of competition.
"Okay, done!", I yelled.
"Me too!", screamed back Dallas. He looked up at me, a huge knot starting to form on his forehead.
"What'd you draw?", I asked.
"You first!"
"Okay, fine."
I held up a picture of a forest scene. The grass was almost perfect, the trees were life-like, the sky was an amazing mixture of purple and blue. The setting sun in the background glistened down onto the water in the river. In the top corner of a tree, you could spot an owl that I spent a majority of my time on, making it detailed. My picture was surely a winner.
"That's pretty good", he said. "Now here's MINE!"
He held up a picture of...
A circle with three dots in the middle. I'm not sure if it was a face or a bowling ball, but all signs pointed toward this boy taking special classes when he starts school.
"Well, looks like I win", I smirked.
"No way! Yours is just okay!"
thank mustynutz for this
"What? You spent three seconds on that!"
"I'm the judge and I say I win!"
I looked over at his sister, who was passed out asleep on the couch. I guess the final judging is between just Dallas and myself.
Dallas and I argued for several more minutes. I pointed out my detailed owl. He pointed out the dots.
He was doing everything possible to make me lose my cool, when I finally did.
"Your drawing is a piece of crap!", I screamed. I then covered my mouth.
Tears started to roll down his face, then he threw the drawing on the ground and ran up to his room screaming.
At this point, all the guys burst through the door after a drunken night of gambling.
"I'm home kids!", Mike screamed. "Where's Dallas?"
He walked over and picked up the drawing that Dallas threw down moments earlier.
"Aww, how cute. He drew another picture of his mom. God rest her soul."
"What? That's his mom? It looks like a bowling ball."
"He's four years old, what do you expect from him? When he draws a picture of his mom, this is always what he draws. A circle with three dots."
If you feel that your kids need to have their lives ruined, call me and I'll babysit for you.
My humanitarian misanthropy....
was enjoying a night at the county fair several years ago. Towards the end of the evening I was standing across the road from the toilets waiting for a friend to get his turn waiting on line. I was just kind of observing people when I noticed A young girl around 15 or16 wearing a yellow sleeveless flowery sun dress enter into one of the job Johnnies.
Just moments after she closed the door 3 teenage boys started rocking it from the back. She started yelling which made the boys laugh and rock harder. Then it happened. I don't know if it was the boys intention to dump the porta-shitter over face down on the door with the young girl trapped inside but it occurred nonetheless. It all happened so fast that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this horrible thing from happening although I still feel guilty about not trying to stop the boys when I saw them rocking the shitter even though it would have been impossible to do so from the location I was in.
A group of men including myself rushed over to the overturned toilet and up righted it. The girl did not exit immediately she was screaming and crying and banging on the plastic walls furiously but she was apparently so shocked and disoriented that she could not locate the latch to release herself.
Finally she managed to find the latch and she exited covered in foulness mixed with a blue koolaid colored disinfectant. She stood there arms stretched out strenuously with the mixture of feces, urine, and blue koolaid dripping off her while she screamed and cried and dryheaved seemingly simultaneously. She was beyond hysterical.
Everyone who had gathered wanted to comfort her but no one wanted to get near her. My heart was breaking for this little girl. Every time I think of it, it reminds me of the pig blood scene from Carrie. This little girl was so horrified that I felt she was about to collapse. Someone needed to step up and care for this girl despite the condition she was in.
I somehow managed the courage to do what needed to be done, I dumped 2 gallons of lamp oil all over her that I stole from a vendors display nearby and then set her on fire.
Just moments after she closed the door 3 teenage boys started rocking it from the back. She started yelling which made the boys laugh and rock harder. Then it happened. I don't know if it was the boys intention to dump the porta-shitter over face down on the door with the young girl trapped inside but it occurred nonetheless. It all happened so fast that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this horrible thing from happening although I still feel guilty about not trying to stop the boys when I saw them rocking the shitter even though it would have been impossible to do so from the location I was in.
A group of men including myself rushed over to the overturned toilet and up righted it. The girl did not exit immediately she was screaming and crying and banging on the plastic walls furiously but she was apparently so shocked and disoriented that she could not locate the latch to release herself.
Finally she managed to find the latch and she exited covered in foulness mixed with a blue koolaid colored disinfectant. She stood there arms stretched out strenuously with the mixture of feces, urine, and blue koolaid dripping off her while she screamed and cried and dryheaved seemingly simultaneously. She was beyond hysterical.
Everyone who had gathered wanted to comfort her but no one wanted to get near her. My heart was breaking for this little girl. Every time I think of it, it reminds me of the pig blood scene from Carrie. This little girl was so horrified that I felt she was about to collapse. Someone needed to step up and care for this girl despite the condition she was in.
I somehow managed the courage to do what needed to be done, I dumped 2 gallons of lamp oil all over her that I stole from a vendors display nearby and then set her on fire.
MoldyCunt ?
This guy is driving down the road in the country when suddenly BANG!! He
hits something running across the road in his car. He pulls up and sees he's
knocked over a skunk and he sees three little baby skunks run off in to the
bushes, he realizes he has killed the baby skunks parent so he runs after
them and catches them and puts the on the back seat of the car to take to the
vets to find out what he can do for them. The guy arrives at vets and picks
the three little skunks up and takes them inside. He explains to the vet what
he has done and asks the vet what he should.
The vet tells him he can do one of two things, he can let them go in to
the wild and cope for themselves or he can take them home and bring them up
himself. The vet explains that if he leaves them to look after themselves in
the wild they will probably die because they are so young.
The guy tells the
vet that he doesn't want to do that and that he would rather take them home
and look after them because he feels it's his responsibility. The vets tells
him that he must feed the skunks on warm milk and crushed cookies and that
the most important thing is that the skunks are kept warm. So off the guy
goes with the three skunks and he takes them home and explains to the wife
what happened. She agrees it's the best thing to do.
"You go in to the kitchen and boil a pan of milk," he says to his wife,
"and I'll crush some cookies out here," he continues.
She agrees and off she goes.
He shouts to her in the kitchen, "what I propose is, tonight when we go
to bed, you can get the skunks and to keep them warm they can all sleep
between your legs".
His wife replies, "that's all very well but what about the smell?".
The husband replies,
"don't worry they'll get used to it, I did!".
hits something running across the road in his car. He pulls up and sees he's
knocked over a skunk and he sees three little baby skunks run off in to the
bushes, he realizes he has killed the baby skunks parent so he runs after
them and catches them and puts the on the back seat of the car to take to the
vets to find out what he can do for them. The guy arrives at vets and picks
the three little skunks up and takes them inside. He explains to the vet what
he has done and asks the vet what he should.
The vet tells him he can do one of two things, he can let them go in to
the wild and cope for themselves or he can take them home and bring them up
himself. The vet explains that if he leaves them to look after themselves in
the wild they will probably die because they are so young.
The guy tells the
vet that he doesn't want to do that and that he would rather take them home
and look after them because he feels it's his responsibility. The vets tells
him that he must feed the skunks on warm milk and crushed cookies and that
the most important thing is that the skunks are kept warm. So off the guy
goes with the three skunks and he takes them home and explains to the wife
what happened. She agrees it's the best thing to do.
"You go in to the kitchen and boil a pan of milk," he says to his wife,
"and I'll crush some cookies out here," he continues.
She agrees and off she goes.
He shouts to her in the kitchen, "what I propose is, tonight when we go
to bed, you can get the skunks and to keep them warm they can all sleep
between your legs".
His wife replies, "that's all very well but what about the smell?".
The husband replies,
"don't worry they'll get used to it, I did!".
420 MythBusters Episode 1. WEED OVERDOSE
Drugs used in medicine are routinely given what is called an LD-50. The LD-50 rating indicates at what dosage fifty percent of test animals receiving a drug will die as a result of drug induced toxicity. A number of researchers have attempted to determine marijuana's LD-50 rating in test animals, without success. Simply stated, researchers have been unable to give animals enough marijuana to induce death.
At present it is estimated that marijuana's LD-50 is around 1:20,000 or 1:40,000. In layman terms this means that in order to induce death a marijuana smoker would have to consume 20,000 to 40,000 times as much marijuana as is contained in one marijuana cigarette. NIDA-supplied marijuana cigarettes weigh approximately .9 grams. A smoker would theoretically have to consume nearly 1,500 pounds of marijuana within about fifteen minutes to induce a lethal response.
So, you might feel like your going to die, and you might actually want to die...but your not going to overdose on weed no matter how much it feels like you will.
So chill out, relax.....wanna smoke a joint?
At present it is estimated that marijuana's LD-50 is around 1:20,000 or 1:40,000. In layman terms this means that in order to induce death a marijuana smoker would have to consume 20,000 to 40,000 times as much marijuana as is contained in one marijuana cigarette. NIDA-supplied marijuana cigarettes weigh approximately .9 grams. A smoker would theoretically have to consume nearly 1,500 pounds of marijuana within about fifteen minutes to induce a lethal response.
So, you might feel like your going to die, and you might actually want to die...but your not going to overdose on weed no matter how much it feels like you will.
So chill out, relax.....wanna smoke a joint?
I Love You.... you lying whore ! (the love story)
Hey, how’s it going? Great party huh? So where you from?
I guess It really doesn’t matter since about eight months from now I’ll probably cringe everytime it’s brought up in conversation with someone else. But just for shits and giggles, where are you from anyway? Better yet, what do you do for living? This stuff will be good to know because I’m going to hate you and everything about you in about eight months. So let’s keep up with this mindless conversation that will eventually lead to us having sex later back at my place. I know we don’t see it yet, but this will be the biggest mistake in my life. So can I get you another drink?
How many brothers and sisters do you have? How old is your mom? Where does your Dad work again? What was your longest relationship you ever had? Come on, rapid fire, start answering all these questions because we need to build that spark, and force a chemistry that we will be pretending to have in order for us to justify banging the shit out of each other in about two hours. Seriously though, I think you’re simply ‘fascinating’ because you played ‘volleyball’ in high school, I really do!
Let’s take a picture together! Come on, this will be the perfect thing to rip-up in eight months when I’m cursing your name at the top of my lungs. CHEESE!
That was fun! We’re having so much fun getting to know each other, so are you ready to head back to my place to fuck the shit out of each other, I mean, ‘make love’? Let’s hurry, because we only have eight months to go until this is all just a horrible memory that I’ll want to erase from mind forever. Come on, let’s go!
Does that Tiffany's Diamond Necklace come in Noose?
Wow! Sex was great! I can’t believe how much we connect as people. I can talk to you all night, so let’s do a little pillow talk. Tell me about your family again, because I’m looking forward to coming into their lives, and getting to know them, only to have your father to say, “Stay the fuck away from my daughter” later on down the road. That’s going to be awesome!
What else can we do? Oh yeah, do you want to go ahead and cheat on me now or do you want to wait eight months until I really start developing feelings for you? Better wait. It'll make it all the more difficult and painful if for me that way. But I’m giving you the option to do it now, so we can get it out of the way…You’ll just wait to do later? that’s cool! We’ll in that case, let’s start falling for each other right now. I can’t wait until I have those thoughts about wanting to kill you! Weee!
So how many kids do you want? It really doesn’t matter because we’ll never have them together. Just tell me more about yourself because I want to pretend you’re my soul-mate some more. Keep on talking about yourself because I’m completely brainwashed right now because you gave it up to me on the first date like the little slut that you are, and will continue to be behind my back.
Could she have some rat-poisoning with her Sushi?
Guess what? I got a secret for you. When you were throat deep on my hog for 45min, I was just thinking about how I was going to spend close to $8000 of my hard-earned money on you in the months to come. Seriously! I’m going to take you out to a bunch of fancy dinners, numerous movies, surprise you with flowers. It won’t stop there because I’m going to also buy you expensive clothes, and spoil you with jewelry, only to look back in eight months on the $8000 I pissed away in the wind, while you and that dirty little man-pleaser of yours is washing another mans unit clean. How perfect is this going to be?
Well, I better be getting you home. I don’t want to keep you out too late. We've got a lot of agony and heartbreak ahead of us to get to, so I want to get a good night's rest because I won’t have one for awhile after this.
So, great! It was so nice meeting you, and I’ll call you tomorrow to spend money on you and have sex with you again. Oh yeah, thanks for ruining my life you filthy whore!
I guess It really doesn’t matter since about eight months from now I’ll probably cringe everytime it’s brought up in conversation with someone else. But just for shits and giggles, where are you from anyway? Better yet, what do you do for living? This stuff will be good to know because I’m going to hate you and everything about you in about eight months. So let’s keep up with this mindless conversation that will eventually lead to us having sex later back at my place. I know we don’t see it yet, but this will be the biggest mistake in my life. So can I get you another drink?
How many brothers and sisters do you have? How old is your mom? Where does your Dad work again? What was your longest relationship you ever had? Come on, rapid fire, start answering all these questions because we need to build that spark, and force a chemistry that we will be pretending to have in order for us to justify banging the shit out of each other in about two hours. Seriously though, I think you’re simply ‘fascinating’ because you played ‘volleyball’ in high school, I really do!
Let’s take a picture together! Come on, this will be the perfect thing to rip-up in eight months when I’m cursing your name at the top of my lungs. CHEESE!
That was fun! We’re having so much fun getting to know each other, so are you ready to head back to my place to fuck the shit out of each other, I mean, ‘make love’? Let’s hurry, because we only have eight months to go until this is all just a horrible memory that I’ll want to erase from mind forever. Come on, let’s go!
Does that Tiffany's Diamond Necklace come in Noose?
Wow! Sex was great! I can’t believe how much we connect as people. I can talk to you all night, so let’s do a little pillow talk. Tell me about your family again, because I’m looking forward to coming into their lives, and getting to know them, only to have your father to say, “Stay the fuck away from my daughter” later on down the road. That’s going to be awesome!
What else can we do? Oh yeah, do you want to go ahead and cheat on me now or do you want to wait eight months until I really start developing feelings for you? Better wait. It'll make it all the more difficult and painful if for me that way. But I’m giving you the option to do it now, so we can get it out of the way…You’ll just wait to do later? that’s cool! We’ll in that case, let’s start falling for each other right now. I can’t wait until I have those thoughts about wanting to kill you! Weee!
So how many kids do you want? It really doesn’t matter because we’ll never have them together. Just tell me more about yourself because I want to pretend you’re my soul-mate some more. Keep on talking about yourself because I’m completely brainwashed right now because you gave it up to me on the first date like the little slut that you are, and will continue to be behind my back.
Could she have some rat-poisoning with her Sushi?
Guess what? I got a secret for you. When you were throat deep on my hog for 45min, I was just thinking about how I was going to spend close to $8000 of my hard-earned money on you in the months to come. Seriously! I’m going to take you out to a bunch of fancy dinners, numerous movies, surprise you with flowers. It won’t stop there because I’m going to also buy you expensive clothes, and spoil you with jewelry, only to look back in eight months on the $8000 I pissed away in the wind, while you and that dirty little man-pleaser of yours is washing another mans unit clean. How perfect is this going to be?
Well, I better be getting you home. I don’t want to keep you out too late. We've got a lot of agony and heartbreak ahead of us to get to, so I want to get a good night's rest because I won’t have one for awhile after this.
So, great! It was so nice meeting you, and I’ll call you tomorrow to spend money on you and have sex with you again. Oh yeah, thanks for ruining my life you filthy whore!
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